Home at Last!!

Well I am home in Reporoa again.. :) Boy, am I happy to be here! It still smells like flemented fruit or something along those lines, and it doesn't help that cows live just across the stoney path toward the river, but with all that gross.... smelly... cow like soroundings .... It feels good to be home.

I am making some friends here, and I am invied to a birthday sleepover. When I got the invitation I was shocked... Yet I felt really good about getting this :) I have had so much fun along the way with these girls, and they have helped me to get used to all of this crazieness here!! I love it though.

My dad isn't the easiest person to get around...There is no beating around the bush with him. Once I got home I went for a LONG run.... It was honestly nearly 5 MILES!! 7.9 KM WOW I have never EVER ran that far in my life at once!

I am quite tired tonight, but I hope that you all sleep well... Goodnight

Old....New....Choices......LIFE #2

Hello again.. As I listen to songs of my heritage, I think about how different my life would've been if things had of changed. This morning I looked through my school email address, and boy was it full! I had a read of all the important emails, and it took me a while. There was this one email, that really attracted my attention. It was from my little sister... Well my younger aunty that I call my sister,  (If you wanted to get technical) but that doesn't matter...... She had talked about how much she misses me, and how she wants me to come back to hangout for a bit. My eyes swelled up with tears and as much as I tried to hold it in, I had to let it out. I felt so guilty, like .... Was moving only for me? Was I being selfish not staying? or was I simply protecting myself from the harm, and arguing that was happening around me? Those are questions that are running through my head constantly at the moment, and they are questions that are yet to be answered......

I had to grow up faster then most young girls, and that may be why I made such a life changing decision so quick, but people  tell me not to grow up so fast, though they weren't there when I was 7 years old.... Watching my mum go through such an abusive relationship, with 3 young girls in the house, was so painful. No one really understood how I felt, and they still don't really understand. The  tings that I did to take my mind off the fact that I was basically all I had, and I never let anyone in to help me, hurt everyone around me.... But I was so wrapped up in looking after my sisters, and school, and what we might eat the next day that I didn't see how I was hurting people with the decisions I made, and to be honest... now that hurts me. My sisters meant the world to me and when they were taken to live with their dad when I was 8 until now.. I only saw them about 4 times in the 4 years they weren't there. One day I hope to see them soon and in  breaks my little heart to see that I was the one they looked up to, and then I wasn't even there anymore. I can't imagine what it feels like for them.

I now know to let people in to help me.... But I guess I'll try to post something else another day...xx

Old...New....Choices...LIFE #1

Wow... I actually didn't notice how long it has been.... I have not been on my blog since last year and it has really made everything weird. As you probably all know I have moved schools and house... and city, that's why I haven't posted in a while, a really long time. I haven't really thought much of my blog, and I don't know if that is good or not. Moving house, switching parents, and schools has made things so hard for me words cannot explain how my mood changes so quick, especially becoming a teenager!! My new school? Reporoa College.... Yes I know, a big change.... a good change though. I have moved from a school of 600 or so students to a school that has at least 400.... WOAH from the big city Auckland, to a small farming town in between Rotorua and Taupo, Reporoa.... Is a life changing yet awkward switch, and often people ask me 'Why leave Auckland?' Well ... to answer your question, My dad lives in Reporoa, and all my life dad hasn't been the closest to me, and I really thought that living with him would be the thing I needed, and honestly we have tried so many times but I would be so emotionally unstable that being with my mum would be all I knew, then school was my happy place. I would go there everyday, not only to learn, but to see friends, meet visitors, introduce people to where we live and show an insight through a students mind of Pt England and our school and the area that we all are growing up in, and occasionally we would get the odd, "really"," Is that it" and so on comments about school, but really I never saw how that could ever fit in to peoples minds because, although we live in a lower income rate community, its what people give to the children of our school, and how we choose to use them thats all that matters, right? Then I realised that I had to grow up and fill the NEW shoes that had been put to rest for me with my dad. It was a hard decision to make but I eventually made the choice to stay with my dad. I had learnt so much at PT England, and I wanted to show other people, not only those that come to our school,but those that I could go to.... I really wanted to show them how much I had taken on bored in the seven and a half years that I attended. I really think that people are starting to like the  new me.... and that is a good thing... I think? :)Well  that's enough for tonight, hopefully there is enough signal for me to post in the next few days. :)

My Friend Jay'lee

My friend Jay’lee is a very unique person. She has many talents that include, singing, she can harmonise really well!! She is a really good dancer, and she is amazing at sports, rugby is her favourite, well from what I see, and she plays for the Auckland Netball Rep. Team. Jay’lee has got many different qualities about her, and that is one reason why I am friends with her, apart from her very friendly and outgoing personality.

Thanks Jay’lee for being a great friend, you are like a sister to me :)

2012 Reflection

This year 2012, was one of the best yet hard years for me at Pt England School. It was the year where responsibility had fallen upon me. I hadn’t really thought much about it , and discovering everything an intermediate student goes through made it difficult for me to (A) Understand everything that is going on around me. (B) Take responsibility for my actions, and (C) Keep my head in the right spaces. I admit that some of my thoughts and actions weren’t the best that  they could have been, but I have really worked hard to make up for my mistakes. There were many many things that helped me through my hardships in this year of full responsibility, for myself, and my actions, such as sports outings, even though I am not good at it. My school softball team came first in the eastern zone tournament, so that was a good accomplishment. My favourite thing of all that happened this year, was greeting visitors. I absolutely love being able to communicate with people through my school, it makes me so happy, and to think that it helps my school, fellow students, and teachers, makes me feel even happier, and gives myself a sense of achievement and nothing could ever beat that feeling. Though sometimes I thought that everything was getting a bit too much for me, and I lash out, but having so much support and friends around me, it makes everything that little bit easier to cope with everything, and I never want to leave Pt England School..... !!! :)

Blue Light Disco

“WOOHOO” My brother and sister exclaimed as they ran through the door. My sister was really really excited to go to the blue light disco, run by the police. It was only 5 o’clock, and I was still in my towel, because I had just spent 2 hours on my hair!!! Though I was really excited anyway! :) I was waiting for the clock to hit 5:50 so that we could go to the disco already!

Once I was finally ready, I was literally pushed into the door, so that my brother could get out. Thats the hard part of having younger siblings.

When we got to school, all my friends were there. I was super happy! Jay’lee and I went to pay for our tickets to get into the disco.

Fist pumping into the hall, there was very loud music, and fluorescent lights everywhere I looked, I knew that tonight would be a great night!!!

All was smoothly, and I was having a great night with my friends. But then one of my favourite song came on, and that was when it got even better. I was dancing away to cat daddy, even though I wasn't very good at it.

Well there was much more to say about this, but I really don't think I have the words to say it all. But I thank PES and all of the prefects for one of the best nights ever. :)

Poem Ko Tokelau

............Ko Tokelau........

Where I am from, I can hear the birds rustling in the trees.

Where I am from, I feel the rough sand rubbing in between my toes.

Where I am from, I hear the sound of the waves crashing against the sand.

Where I am from, the sound of water lapping against the vaka, soothing.

Where I am from, I feel the warmth of the sun against my skin.

Where I am from, as I swim, I feel the slime of the fish as they swiftly swim past me.

Where I am from, the sweet smell of my aunt's famous foods fill each nostril, the best smells ever.

Where I am, I taste freshly cooked taro and chopsuey.

Where I am from, I hear the sweet sound of the laughter and song from the elders.

Where I am from, I smell my aunty as I hug her.

Memories now of the old perfume she poured onto herself daily.

Where I am from, I see the games played by children, and hear the laughter that follows.

Where I am from, I feel the sting of the volleyball as I serve in a ‘friendly’ game.

Where I am from, I see the families daily prayers, a sign of faith and respect.

Where I am from, I feel Love, and only love.

Where I am from, is Tokelau.....

-- Chante Filipo --